The Suckage Report!
April 19, 2008
The Suckage Report
"Because you already know it's going to suck."
88 Minutes - Beat-the-clock noir thrillers went out with Howdy Doody and Red Baiting, but don't tell the marketing gurus at Columbia Pictures that. The presence of Leelee Sobieski, whose young filmography already boasts some impressively awful films, is an encouraging sign that 88 Minutes is going to feel like 176 minutes.
The Forbidden Kingdom - From the Director of "Haunted Mansion" and the writer of "Hidalgo" comes another De Laurentiis action dud. Judging from the trailer, this one looks like all the good bits from Yimou Zhang's trilogy were ripped up and stuffed into two hours of generic cross-cultural product. Can't wait for '
Forbidden Kingdom 2 - The Search for Dumber Audiences.'
Pathology - "
Flatliners meets
Saw" was probably the brainless pitch behind this half-baked mid-budgeter from Lakeshore Entertainment. It'll satisfy the low vocabulary Ain't it Kewel crowd and nobody else.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - Another Apatow romcom. Might not suck as much as
Superbad if helmer Stoller does something creative with the format. What am I saying? This guy did the
Fun with Dick and Jane remake. Still, it'll...
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Tags:
culture vultures, fanboys, howdy doody
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Back Outta Hell - The Suckage Report!
April 10, 2008
The Suckage Report
"What's new, what's going to suck and why."
Street Kings - Never never assume that writers can direct. Sure, David Ayer has a good screenplay to his credit (Training Day) but, as everyone outside of Hollywood knows, being a good bowler doens't make you a good brain surgeon. Mix in movie-killer Keanu Reeves, the generally unlucky Forrest Whitaker and (groan) Cedric the (Non)Entertainer, and the odds that Street Kings is going to turn into crapulous formulaic cop drama start looking pretty good.
Smart People - This week's leftover from the Sundance faux-independent film fest is chock-a-block full of B-list actors and quirky sitcom potential. Still, it might not completely suck if you're in the mood for a heart-warming feel-good sure-fire hit comedy about quirky characters in quirky situations acting all, oh, I dunno, quirky I guess.
Did I mention it's quirky?
Prom Night - PG13 retreads of 80s slasher pics are usually guarenteed suckage and this one's no exception. Though it's almost certainly destined for the cheap-o DVD bin at Walmart, with a TV director, a veteral schlock writer / producer / auteur and a cast of soap opera refugees, this remake shows enough potential for...
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Tags:
forrest whitaker, sundance, walmart
Posted at: 07:00 AM | 2 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
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WIP - Hong Kong style
April 3, 2008
Set the wayback machine for 1973 as Hong Kong filmmakers jump on board Corman's WIP money train. The Bamboo House of Dolls review is up on the IHAS Babes Behind Bars page! As always, click on the title to go there.
Tags:
kung fu fettered femmes
Posted at: 10:07 AM | 2 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
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Mike Gravel Ditches the Dems
March 27, 2008
It's finally reached the MSM that presidental candidate Mike Gravel has dumped the craptastic Democratic Party. Mortally disgusted with the Other WarParty's blatant empire building and general mendacity, Gravel has announced his intention to join the genuinely Antiwar Libertarian Party. With Ralph Nader already making pwoggie-bloggie heads explode with his independent bid and a possible Green Party run by Cynthia McKinney, the DP now has to face the possibility of spending three times as much on ballot suppression this year as they did in 2004.
Watch for Koswacks and other assorted DP bloggies to come crawling out of the woodwork as they desperately try to corral their ever-shrinking liberal base. The '08 election just go a whole lot livelier!
Tags:
libertarians, mike gravel, pwogs
Posted at: 08:53 AM | 6 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
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4000
March 24, 2008
DemoGreens
March 13, 2008
"I think we need to organize as Greens and then caucus within the Democratic Party. Until we change the system, it is our most effect approach."
This is pretty typical of the posts on a faux-Green site called "Green Commons." Mostly it's a place where Democrats go to try fooling voters from the Green Party into joining the corporate warmongering DP and engage in recreational Nader bashing. It's utterly worthless but occassionally amusing.
Tags:
fakeass greens
Posted at: 11:58 AM | 4 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
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LOL Theater!
January 25, 2008
Now that the
LOLcats phenomena has been pronounced well-and-truly dead, (It must be true. All the best blogs say so.) it's time for culture vultures like our site to pick over it's bones, thus completing the natural cycle of intertube life. Click on the pic above to check out our LOL-ized version of Brian Singer's neo-noir masterpiece,
The Usual Suspects.
Tags:
lolmovies
Posted at: 11:33 AM | 1 Comment | Add Comment | Permalink
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Scarfaces
January 17, 2008
Happy New Year!
December 31, 2007
Allow me, Gentle Readers, to wish you the Happiest of New Years wishes. As 2008 dawns upon us, fresh and rosy like a virgin maiden from a bath of milk and rose petals, let me present to you the single most hilarious post written anywhere on the intertubes in this last year.
No, I'm not kidding.
This is the kind of satire, the Pepsi-snorted-out-through-the-nose kind of humor, the keyboard-coffee-meltdown-spit-take humor, that we here at IHAS only wish we could aspire to. Mark Twain, Johnathan Swift, Juvenal and, yes, even Carrot Top are but mere shadows of long dead harlequins hollowly jesting at the feet of this titan of funny - this marvel of modern comedy, this Giant of Guffaws!
Read on, Bloggie Voyagers, and prepare to be blown out of your socks by:
The Funniest Blog Post of 2007
The Republican Establishment can't trust Hillary. (5.00 / 1)
Once she has the nomination she will cherry pick Edwards, Obama and even Kucinich and Gravel. {Snort! Giggle! - ed} As president, she will be perfectly capable of giving her corporate groupies the finger. {Isn't that just a scream? Wait! It gets better! - ed} What are they going...
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Tags:
funniest-post-evah
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The Loathsome 50
December 31, 2007
The only year end list worth reading is up. Check out the Buffalo Beast's annual list of the 50 Most Loathsome People of 2007.
Tags:
year end lists
Posted at: 11:35 AM | 1 Comment | Add Comment | Permalink
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